Finding and Keeping A Life Partner (cont'd)

::Another perspective::

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.



Observe the relationships around you.

• Pay attention... Which ones lift and which ones lean?
• Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
• Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
• When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
• Which ones don't appreciate you?
• Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and caring words or annotations?

An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye;Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

• Do you bring out the best in each other?
• Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
• What do you bring to the relationship?
• Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.
You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life'; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

What keeps a relationship strong is:
1. trust
2. communication
3. intimacy
4. a sense of humor
5. sharing tasks
6. daily exchanges (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc)
7. sharing common goals and interests
8. giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure
9. giving each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment
10. concern and care for your lover in your own ways.